Act 4

Scene II

Another room in the same.

	Enter Face, Kastril, and Dame Pliant.
Face	Come, lady: I knew the Doctor would not leave, Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.
Kastril	To be a countess, say you, a Spanish countess, sir?
Dame Pliant	Why, is that better than an English countess?
Face	Better! ’Slight, make you that a question, lady?
Kastril	Nay, she is a fool, Captain, you must pardon her.
Face	Ask from your courtier, to your inns-of-court-man, To your mere milliner; they will tell you all, Your Spanish jennet is the best horse; your Spanish Stoop is the best garb; your Spanish beard Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best Wear; your Spanish pavan the best dance; Your Spanish titillation in a glove The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike, And Spanish blade, let your poor Captain speak⁠— Here comes the Doctor.
	Enter Subtle, with a paper.
Subtle	My most honoured lady, For so I am now to style you, having found By this my scheme, you are to undergo An honourable fortune, very shortly. What will you say now, if some⁠—
Face	I have told her all, sir, And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be A countess; do not delay them, sir; a Spanish countess.
Subtle	Still, my scarce-worshipful Captain, you can keep No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam, Do you forgive him, and I do.
Kastril	She shall do that, sir; I’ll look to it, ’tis my charge.
Subtle	Well then: nought rests But that she fit her love now to her fortune.
Dame Pliant	Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard.
Subtle	No!
Dame Pliant	Never since eighty-eight could I abide them, And that was some three year afore I was born, in truth.
Subtle	Come, you must love him, or be miserable, Choose which you will.
Face	By this good rush, persuade her, She will cry strawberries else within this twelvemonth.
Subtle	Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse.
Face	Indeed, sir!
Kastril	Od’s lid, you shall love him, or I’ll kick you.
Dame Pliant	Why, I’ll do as you will have me, brother.
Kastril	Do, Or by this hand I’ll maul you.
Face	Nay, good sir, Be not so fierce.
Subtle	No, my enraged child; She will be ruled. What, when she comes to taste The pleasures of a countess! To be courted⁠—
Face	And kissed, and ruffled!
Subtle	Ay, behind the hangings.
Face	And then come forth in pomp!
Subtle	And know her state!
Face	Of keeping all the idolaters of the chamber Barer to her, than at their prayers!
Subtle	Is served Upon the knee!
Face	And has her pages, ushers, Footmen, and coaches⁠—
Subtle	Her six mares⁠—
Face	Nay, eight!
Subtle	To hurry her through London, to the Exchange, Bedlam, the china-houses⁠—
Face	Yes, and have The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires, And my lord’s goose-turd bands, that ride with her!
Kastril	Most brave! By this hand, you are not my sister, If you refuse.
Dame Pliant	I will not refuse, brother.
	Enter Surly.
Pertinax Surly	Que es esto, señores, que no venga? Esta tardanza me mata!
Face	It is the Count come: The Doctor knew he would be here, by his art.
Subtle	En gallanta madama, Don! Gallantissima!
Pertinax Surly	Por todos los dioses, la mas acabada hermosura, que he visto en mi vida!
Face	Is’t not a gallant language that they speak?
Kastril	An admirable language! Is’t not French?
Face	No, Spanish, sir.
Kastril	It goes like law-French, And that, they say, is the courtliest language.
Face	List, sir.
Pertinax Surly	El sol ha perdido su lumbre, con el Esplandor que trae esta dama! Válgame Dios!
Face	He admires your sister.
Kastril	Must not she make curtsey?
Subtle	’Ods will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him! It is the Spanish fashion, for the women To make first court.
Face	’Tis true he tells you, sir: His art knows all.
Pertinax Surly	Porqué no se acude?
Kastril	He speaks to her, I think.
Face	That he does, sir.
Pertinax Surly	Por el amor de Dios, qué es esto que se tarda?
Kastril	Nay, see: she will not understand him! Gull, Noddy.
Dame Pliant	What say you, brother?
Kastril	Ass, my sister. Go kiss him, as the cunning man would have you; I’ll thrust a pin in your buttocks else.
Face	O no, sir.
Pertinax Surly	Señora mía, mi persona esta muy indigna de Allegara tanta hermosura.
Face	Does he not use her bravely?
Kastril	Bravely, i’faith!
Face	Nay, he will use her better.
Kastril	Do you think so?
Pertinax Surly	Señora, si sera servida, entremonos.
	Exit with Dame Pliant.
Kastril	Where does he carry her?
Face	Into the garden, sir; Take you no thought: I must interpret for her.
Subtle	Give Dol the word. Aside to Face, who goes out. —Come, my fierce child, advance, We’ll to our quarrelling lesson again.
Kastril	Agreed. I love a Spanish boy with all my heart.
Subtle	Nay, and by this means, sir, you shall be brother To a great count.
Kastril	Ay, I knew that at first, This match will advance the house of the Kastrils.
Subtle	’Pray God your sister prove but pliant!
Kastril	Why, Her name is so, by her other husband.
Subtle	How!
Kastril	The widow Pliant. Knew you not that?
Subtle	No, faith, sir; Yet, by erection of her figure, I guessed it. Come, let’s go practise.
Kastril	Yes, but do you think, Doctor, I e’er shall quarrel well?
Subtle	I warrant you.
	Exeunt.