Act 2

Scene I

London. A street.

	Enter Corporal Nym* and Lieutenant Bardolph.*
Bardolph	Well met, Corporal Nym.
Nym	Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.
Bardolph	What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?
Nym	For my part, I care not: I say little; but when time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I will wink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; but what though? it will toast cheese, and it will endure cold as another man’s sword will: and there’s an end.
Bardolph	I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and we’ll be all three sworn brothers to France: let it be so, good Corporal Nym.
Nym	Faith, I will live so long as I may, that’s the certain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, I will do as I may: that is my rest, that is the rendezvous of it.
Bardolph	It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly; and certainly she did you wrong; for you were troth-plight to her.
Nym	I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men may sleep, and they may have their throats about them at that time; and some say knives have edges. It must be as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yet she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I cannot tell.
	Enter Pistol* and Hostess.*
Bardolph	Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: good corporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!
Pistol	Base tike, call’st thou me host? Now, by this hand, I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.
Hostess	No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live honestly by the prick of their needles, but it will be thought we keep a bawdy house straight. Nym and Pistol draw. O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! we shall see wilful adultery and murder committed.
Bardolph	Good lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.
Nym	Pish!
Pistol	Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear’d cur of Iceland!
Hostess	Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.
Nym	Will you shog off? I would have you solus.
Pistol	“Solus,” egregious dog! O viper vile! The “solus” in thy most mervailous face; The “solus” in thy teeth, and in thy throat, And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy, And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth! I do retort the “solus” in thy bowels; For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up, And flashing fire will follow.
Nym	I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walk off, I would prick your guts a little, in good terms, as I may: and that’s the humour of it.
Pistol	O braggart vile and damned furious wight! The grave doth gape, and doting death is near; Therefore exhale.
Bardolph	Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the first stroke, I’ll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.Draws.
Pistol	An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate. Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give: Thy spirits are most tall.
Nym	I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair terms: that is the humour of it.
Pistol	“Couple a gorge!” That is the word. I thee defy again. O hound of Crete, think’st thou my spouse to get? No; to the spital go, And from the powdering-tub of infamy Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid’s kind, Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse: I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly For the only she; and⁠—pauca, there’s enough. Go to.
	Enter the Boy.
Boy	Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and you, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed. Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he’s very ill.
Bardolph	Away, you rogue!
Hostess	By my troth, he’ll yield the crow a pudding one of these days. The king has killed his heart. Good husband, come home presently. Exeunt Hostess* and Boy.*
Bardolph	Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France together: why the devil should we keep knives to cut one another’s throats?
Pistol	Let floods o’erswell, and fiends for food howl on!
Nym	You’ll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?
Pistol	Base is the slave that pays.
Nym	That now I will have: that’s the humour of it.
Pistol	As manhood shall compound: push home.They draw.
Bardolph	By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I’ll kill him; by this sword, I will.
Pistol	Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.
Bardolph	Corporal Nym, and thou wilt be friends, be friends: an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too. Prithee, put up.
Nym	I shall have my eight shillings I won from you at betting?
Pistol	A noble shalt thou have, and present pay; And liquor likewise will I give to thee, And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood: I’ll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me; Is not this just? for I shall sutler be Unto the camp, and profits will accrue. Give me thy hand.
Nym	I shall have my noble?
Pistol	In cash most justly paid.
Nym	Well, then, that’s the humour of’t.
	Reenter Hostess.
Hostess	As ever you come of women, come in quickly to Sir John. Ah, poor heart! he is so shaked of a burning quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.
Nym	The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that’s the even of it.
Pistol	Nym, thou hast spoke the right; His heart is fracted and corroborate.
Nym	The king is a good king: but it must be as it may; he passes some humours and careers.
Pistol	Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins, we will live. Exeunt.